Friday, February 27, 2009

Is There A Universal Solution to Low Self Esteem

I intend for this to be an open exchange between myself and you, the person who has been eagerly awaiting such a forum. NLP and Covert Hypnosis are the only technologies that are our there being applied in the real self esteem world. Your questions and comments are welcome and encouraged. They will be moderated (screened). We do not want advertisement or people wanting to disrupt the exchanges. Of course, the first question that comes up is how does low self esteem with NLP differ from others forms of solutions.

A person called the other day. He made the statement that NLP has not changed in 30 years. I told him that with the traditional certification training of NLP, the statement is probably true. The traditional NLPer’s have put the medical community, therapy community, psychologist community, psychiatrist community “ethics” on the whole field. They believe and therefore teach that you can not DO NLP with someone unless they are sitting in front of you and the someone “patient” give you express permission to do NLP. This is a load of BULL.

Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) as researched by Richard Bandler is simply a study of how the brain processes language and how the resulting neuro networks are created and run our reality. Therefore, the studying of NLP by you is simply a way for your communication to be more effective.

There are a couple of other ways of looking at it. For Example, if the “patient” environment is OVERT, then any other environment is COVERT and covert is bad. Ha It is this arena that there has and continues to be discoveries made. Richard Bandler and John LaValle continue to publish material and conduct seminars demonstrating the latest in NLP.

Another way of looking at “Covert” versus “Patient” NLP is using the conscious mind. The Overt “Patient” NLPer’s teach to talk to the conscious mind, consciously asking if a person can or can not experience some sensation with one of their senses. This is not necessary and many times just a waste of time as it becomes two conscious minds playing with each other.

An example, one of our clients is a heart surgeon. Remember Patch Adams. Most doctors are taught to dissociate when doing surgery. The problem is they are always dissociated. Patch demonstrated with humor in his case that a doctor could be associated (have rapport with) the patient before surgery. He could dissociate during surgery and then re-associate after surgery. However this surgeon wanted to do more and take it to another level. I explained that the conscious mind is the one which goes to sleep. The sub-conscious or Greater Mind never sleeps. This is even under sedation during surgery. So we explained that the talk that takes place during surgery by the doctors is extreme important. Think of the difference.

Normal Doctors: “This patient is a tub of lard, the arteries are like sewer pipes. He is Doomed no matter what we do. Boy is she ugly.”

Our Surgeon talks to the greater mind continuously during surgery. He instructs the patients body to work on the inside while he works on the outside. “We are going to make an incision along this the inside of the left thigh. Just allow the incision and STOP the blood flow in that area. Everything is OK. Thank for your assistance.”

He is talking to the subconscious. He is being Covert. He patient never knows consciously what took place. He just knows that he likes the surgeon and that the surgery went very smoothly.
So now on to low self esteem and technology talking to the subconscious mind (The Greater Mind).

I believe that low self esteem comes from a conflict between what you believe is possible and what you believe is possible for you. When a parent tells a child that the child will never amount to anything, depending on the age and other environmental circumstances, he or she may believe the believe the parent or not. They may love the parent or not. I have worked with multiple children from the same family. Both kids were top students in their schools. One had very low self esteem and the other had high self esteem. It turned out that the father had a sister who was on drugs, she had several children by different fathers, and worked as a prostitute. He wanted to make sure that it wasn't a DNA thing and so treated his daughter much differently that his son. Guess which one had low self esteem?


Is the Beer Good Here?

I have included this story in several blogs because it is a good example of how to begin to handle many, what may be simple, situations where low self esteem can be changed.

I was talking with a business associate the other day and he told me this story. He was in a sports bar watching a game and having a beer. There were some other guys near by. Two girls walked in and he was interested in one. He ignored them both. A couple of guys approached the girls where he could here and see everything. The same old game of pickup line and replies was taking place. He started laughing hysterically still ignoring them. The guys missed it all together. The girls however picked up on it immediately and the one he was interested in came over to the bar and asked, “Is the beer good here?” He responded, “ YES the beer is good here.”
His question to me was what could I have said?

First rule is pay attention to her and let that guide you. USE What she gives you.

Second rule is remember how the brain works in answering questions and asking questions.
So I asked him, “ What are the assumptions in her question, “Is the beer good here?””
Well he said, “She likes beer”

I said, “OK and what else?”

He said slowly, “She likes good beer”

OK” I said and “what else?”

Now there was a long pause. I prompted, “Why did she ask that question?”

He was still in trance. “One assumption you are making is that she has never been in the bar or had a beer in the bar. Is that true or false.”

He now was starting to get it. “I don’t know,” he responded.

So one of the first questions you could ask in response is, “Have you been in here before…. For a beer?” You are just checking for congruency. It is her pickup line, “Is the beer good here?”

He says, “OK I get it. So what else did I miss”

There is another thing about which you could be curious. Think about it this way. The words came out of her mouth, so they should/could/maybe be important to her.

Ask, “What is important about a good beer to you?” depending on her response proceed.

What other good things happen with a good beer?”

How much time do you spend looking for a good beer?”

How do you choose a good beer?”

These are all open ended questions on a topic she brought up. Even if it was a pickup line, you have now turned it into something else. Something important to her. You are capturing and leading her imagination.

Every Person who has low self esteem does not have low self esteem in every situation. They have a limiting belief and that limiting belief may affect only one or several aspect of their lives. What is Yours? Comment?

More later - Get It.


Examine Limiting Beliefs